Peyton Funnies

Peyton is has been getting funnier and funnier.  Here are some of her quotes that have made us laugh from about age 2-2 1/2. 

• While singing I Am a Child of God, instead of saying, "has given me an earthly home" she says, "has given me a Berkley home."  
• When she's frustrated she yells, "I promise!" out of context.
• If I tell her not to do something she replies, "I do ever I want to do."
• "I can't poop.  My bum is too closed."
• I tapped Peyton's stuffed animal on the forehead and said, "This is Peyton's chicky."  Then tapped Peyton on the forehead and said, "This is Mommy's chicky."  She tapped her chicky and said, "No, this Peyton's chicky."  Then tapped her head and said, "This Peyton's forehead."
• When I had the hiccups she said, "Mom, you hicking up on me."  
• Her Grandpa Drew usually greets her by saying, "Hey Squirt!"  One day she said, "You no call me squirt anymore.  I Peyton."  
• While we were boating, my Dad was in the water.  We were circling around him in the boat so the girls couldn't see him behind us anymore.  My Mom asked, "Where's Grandpa?"  Peyton calmly responded, "He died." 
• Me: "Just push your poop out."  P: "I can't"  Me: "Why not?"  P: "It's too dangerous."
• While sitting in time out: "This is a joke!"
• She went down the waterslide at Bear Lake and Misty let her go all the way under the water at the end.  She came up, looked at Misty and said, "I'm proud of you."
• After her and Berkley had a raspberry fight in the kitchen: P: "You happy Mom?"  Me: "No, Im not happy."  P: "But you still love me." 
• She woke up from her nap crying and screaming.  I went in her room and she said, "That shoo-fly was bothering me."  (She always calls them shoo-flies.)
• When we went camping this summer there was a hole-in-the-ground "bathroom" that was one step up from a porta-potty.  We walked in for the first time and she said, "Mmmmm, it smells like watermelon in here."  
• We asked her if we should have another baby and she said, "No!  I da baby!"  
• Later, when my belly was a little bigger she touched it and said, "You have one big baby right here," then touched my chest and said, "and two little babies up here."
• "I have a strong beak to eat candy."  
• She was holding a cup of water at Grandma Lisa's house when Gimli (Rylee's dog) came running toward her.  She held up the water and said, "No, it's gluten!"  
• Berkley read the word "fox" and Peyton said, "Like fox elder bug!"
• I still have her sleeping in her crib.  When I get her out she jumps up to help me lift her.  One morning as she jumped up she yelled, "Rescue!"
• "I pooped big time!"
• Me (teasing): "You don't like ice cream."  P: "Yeah, and I don't like you either."
• "I hate this song!  I hate it, but I still love you." 
• P: "You washin the window?"
  Me: "Yeah I'm washing the blinds."
  P: "Oh. So they don't get cavities?"
• Me: "I need a blow dryer."
  P: "I have a fan. A big fan. You can dry your hair with it and somethin."

Berkley Funnies

Here are some quotes that made me chuckle.  Berkley was about 4-4 1/2 years old.

• B: "Mom, you should have named me Butterfly."  Me: "When you have kids you can name them whatever you want."  B: "Oh! I'll name my kids Butterfly, Daisy, Rose, Chocolate, Dance Class, and Olivia.  Chocolate and Dance Class are the boys."  
• "You are making me so sad!  I am going to flood this whole house with tears!"
• After I yelled: "That was so gross Mom!  You are making it so I can't feel the Holy Spirit!"  
• While she was jumping to Merrisa in the pool at Bear Lake she was mad because Merrisa wasn't close enough to the edge.  She told her to go away.  Merrisa asked, "Where should I go?"  Berkley replied, "Go back to Chile!" (Where Merrisa had just come home from her mission.)
• I was explaining to Berkley that she might have to wear uniforms when she goes to kindergarten such as khaki pants and collared shirts.  She replied, "Collars!?  Those are for dogs!"  
• When we were going to the beach in San Diego, Zack came out wearing a tank top with palm trees on it.  Berkley looked at him and said, "Dad, you look weird in that dress."
• A friend returned our bumbo baby seat I had loaned them so it was in our living room.  Berkley walked in and asked, "Why is that port-a-potty there?"
• She wanted to get past me while I was vacuuming but was too nervous.  B: "You're going to vacuum my foot!"  Me: "Yep." (continued vacuuming) B: "Then your favorite child will be sucked up in there and dumped in the garbage!"  Me: "My favorite child?"  B: (matter-of-factly) "Yeah."  
• We were eating at In N' Out burger.  She tapped my shoulder and leaned in to tell me a secret then whispered, "Hey Mom, some grown ups don't have any kids."  
• She saw a picture of an overly fake tan person and asked about it.  I explained that some people go to salons to have brown stuff sprayed on their skin.  She said, "I would never be one of those people... I would get purple."
• She ran full speed through Drew and Lisa's screen door.  It popped out onto their deck and she landed on top.  She looked up at everyone on the deck a little confused and said, "Excuse me."  
• She found some of Peyton's socks in her sock drawer.  I laughed and said something about how I always mix up their clothes.  She said, "It's okay, you're still a good mom."
• At her preschool she has 3 different teachers that they rotate through.  One for lesson, music, and art.  This year she has one teacher that's the same as last year and two new ones.  I didn't know which new one was which so I asked her.  She said, "Miss A has the shorter hair.  Miss B has the big bum."  
• While they were coloring one day she said to Peyton, "Gosh, you're really uncivilized."
• Sometimes she calls me "Your Highness" and means it.  
• "Look at my picnic Mom, I'm having fried people."

•  She'll say things like, "Peyton is small, me and Mom are medium, and Dad is big."  
• "I was sleepin so hard I didn't even want to wake up."  
• Performing a concert for her animals.

• Trying to say "hailing."

• "Dad! I'm going to pray to Heavenly Father and Heavenly Father will teach you how to be nice to cats!"  
• She found a turtleneck, put it on, and said, "Mom, it's like a scarf shirt!"  
• Berkley: "Mom, is today Sunday?"
  Me: "No, it's Saturday. Do you want it to be Sunday?"
  B: "Yeah."
  Me: "Why? Because you like to go to church?"
  B: "No. Because I want to wear a cute dress."
• "I'm exercising.  A woman has to do that every day."
• And just for fun, a video of her singing Royals last Thanksgiving (with a little help from Zack.)  That song came on a lot during our road trip to Arizona.  She was a couple months away from turning 4.  

Berkley Funnies

Here's my latest list of Berkley funnies.  Most of them are from age 3 1/2-4.  She makes me laugh every day.

• We got locked out of the house for a couple hours during the summer.  I helped Berkley pee in the yard since it was necessary.  Not much later, I was weeding the garden and saw her head poking up on the other side of our front steps.  She was sitting on the driveway.  I went over to investigate and found she had actually pooped on the driveway.  So then I was frantically trying to figure out how to wipe her.  I ended up using my sock.  
• She went through an "I love you" phase.  She told her Dr. that she loves him at her 3 year well check and she told Miss Amy, the children's librarian, that she loves her during story time.  
• She told me she likes "Diddly dum and Diddly twee" on Alice in Wonderland.  
• When she gets tired she says she's "dizzy of walking."  She has also said, "My breath is out, I need a rest."  And when asked to carry something she says she's "full of hands" instead of saying her hands are full.  
• "Look at my handsome nipples."

• When Zack pooped in the potty, "Good job Dad!  Hip hip hooray!"
• She used to say DVDeev instead of DVD.
• At the table: "Don't roll away from me, cup.  I'm a nice girl."
• "100 is really a lot.  It's like way more than 10."
• Whenever her mouth/throat makes a noise besides a burp she'll declare, "mouth noise."  
• For a while she would say "My only wish is (fill in the blank.)  A couple of her endings are "to never get a owie anywhere on my body ever again." And "that we could slide down a rainbow, woohoo!"
• "This isn't a starburst.  It's a squareburst.  See?"  
• "Peyton has an ear whack in her ear."
• Our neighbors built a weird half-fence thing in their front yard.  We went outside and Berkley said, "It's like I'm in a whole new world out here with that brown thing."  
• She was singing 'Picture a Christmas' and instead of saying "Picture a kind and gentle Joseph" she kept saying "Picture a white and solid Joseph."  
• "Chef Berkley here!"  (That's a doll dress on her head.)

• Berkley: "8 starts with A!"  Me: "Well no, the number 8 starts with E but if you say, "I ate something" it starts with A."   B: "Hmmm, that's ridiculous."
• Dora on TV: "Did you hear that?"  Berkley: "It was just me tooting."
• She quotes movies a lot, even if she doesn't know what she's saying.  This happened after watching The Croods.  We had just sat down to dinner and I had made some sweet potato soup.  Zack didn't take any so I asked if he had eaten any vegetables that day.  He replied, "Yeah, I had a salad at lunch."  Berkley pointed at him and yelled, "And you're still fat!"

*She felt bad after she learned what it meant but her timing could not have been more perfect.  

• Lastly, she wants to sing the hymns at church but she can't read so she makes up her own words.

Berkley Funnies

Unfortunately the app I use to write down Berkley's funniest sayings stopped working so I lost my whole list!  These are the ones I can remember or I wrote on facebook.  (From 3 years old to almost 3 1/2.)  Enjoy.

• "I don't want to be a child, or a daughter, or a human.  I just want to be a kid."
• After she had gone to bed Zack and I were downstairs on the couch.  She showed up at the top of the stairs with a pamphlet and said very seriously, "Mom, will you please explain this to me?"  I asked her what it was and she said, "That mom is doing something to that baby."  It was an infant CPR and choking booklet.  
• She had been having stomach issues and vomiting frequently at night.  One night I heard her yell, "Mommy!" in a panicked voice.  I jumped out of bed, ran in her room, grabbing the garbage can on my way, grabbed her head and put her face in the garbage can all in about 2 seconds and asked, "Are you going to throw up?"  She sleepily answered, "No.  I just wanted to tell you I love you."
• "I did a little tiny poop and his poop father."
• Me: "Don't do that.  You'll break the humidifier."  Berkley: "What!? You made a fire!?"
• Me: "I'm an adult."  Berkley: "No, you're not an adult.  You're too little.  But when you get bigger you can be a adult."
• B: "I wish I had a long tongue."  Me: "Why?"  B: "Because I don't like to pick fruit up.  I just like to eat it with my long tongue."
• Peyton was sitting on my lap and Berkley came and looked at us for a while and said, "We should get a boy baby.  I like boy babies."
• When she's upset with us she yells, "You frame on me!!"
• I was laughing and Berkley started patting my chin and said, "Steady old girl."
• "Peyton's trying to bother me with details."
• "Peyton is recognizing my block tower!" (As Peyton knocks it down.)
• She always tells people if they say something wrong.  "We don't say hate."  "We say bum, not butt."  "We don't say stupid."  "Daddy, stop saying freaking crap!"

Berkley Funnies

Here are some of the things that have made us laugh.  This is from Berkley 2 1/2 to 3 years old.

•  One night she was saying the prayer and said, "Thank you for all the blessings we have, indivisible, under God, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
• Zack: "Berkley should Mommy give me a hair cut so I can be handsome?"
  Berkley: "I don't want you handsome."
  Zack: "What do you want me to be?"
  Berkley: "I want you to be really important."
• She doesn't quite understand the concept of rhyming but if something is similar in any way she'll say it's the 'same rhyme.'  Like one day she said, "Bus and butt is the same rhyme!"
• Zack was watching Fast N' Loud, a car fixing show on the Discovery Channel.  Berkley said, "This is a good daddy and girl show."
• In the car Berkley told Zack to make a spotting scope with his hands so he could find the store.
• Zack was telling me about digging out a "stupid power pole" at work and Berkley came up behind him and said, "Dad, we don't say stupid."
• "There's a fly mommy!  Get the whack flyer!"
• "You count and I'll hide in the bathtub."  Or, "You hide right here and I'll count."
• She pointed to a man at the grocery store and said, "Look mommy, a giant!"
• On that same subject, she was talking to our bagger at the store, who was a boy, and said, "You have earrings just like my mommy."
• She asked to watch Peter Pan because she likes "Captain Hook and Mr. Speed."
• "How about some branch on my noodles mommy?"
• "Let's pretend to swim.  You can be a fishy and I'll be a bottom-nosed dolphin."
• Me (singing): "That's what makes Berkley beautiful!"
  B: "Did you say me is beautiful?"
  Me: "Yes."
  B: "Even in my jammies!?!"
• "I taked my overwears off for the bath."
• Me: "Do I need to flick your hands?"
  Berkley: *starts crying* "No. They're covering from surgery!"
• "Dad you forgot to put your seatbelt on so you can be safe. Or the police man will spank you."
• Zack finally shaved after 'Novembeard.'  A few days later we were singing a song that says things like 'as quiet as a mouse, as strong as an ox, etc.'
  Me: "As pretty as a mommy."
  B: "As pretty as a daddy."    
  Me: "As handsome as a daddy."
  B: "As shavey as a daddy."
  Me: "Is daddy shavey?"
  B: "Yeah, he's shavey beardy."
• Sometimes to compliment the food she's eating she'll say, "Mom, this is not half bad!"
• She climbed into bed with me one morning and said, "So... How's your problem today?"
• Walking all over the house "Where's my other... My other fantastic shoe?"
• When I was leaving for work she said, "I want one."
  Me: "One what?:
  B: "One hug and one kiss."
• She handed me some paper and said, "Here.  Educate yourself." (From Lilo and Stitch)
• After she peed in her bed I was changing the sheets and she said, "I can pay for that." (Also from Lilo and Stitch) 
• Another time she peed her bed, came out the next morning and said, "Don't touch me dad."
  Z: "Why not?"
  B: "Because I'm all freaking wet."
  
  Which one made you laugh?

Berkley Funnies

I really should do these posts more often because Berkley makes me laugh every single day.  This list is a long one but a good one. 

• Berkley has gone through a big Dora the Explorer phase.  Zack went to check on her after she had gone to bed.  She rolled over in her sleep and said, "swiper no swiping."
• When we were at the hospital to have Peyton, Berkley was with her Grandparents.  She explained to them that, "Mommy and Daddy are getting married because they love each other."  That was why we were gone. 
• My parents were putting her in the car after going for a walk.  She wanted to sit in the normal seat instead of her car seat.  My Dad told her that she needed to sit in her car seat because it's the law.  She grabbed the seat belt and yelled, "No, THIS is the law!"  How did she know?
• Berkley was sitting next to me while I was feeding Peyton.  I was trying to get Peyton to latch on by telling her to open her mouth big.  I looked over and Berkley had her mouth open as wide as she could.
• I try to motivate her to hurry by initiating a race.  I'll run and say, "I'm going to beat you."  Now she'll chase me and say, "I'm going to beep you!"  And when she catches up she pokes me and says beep.  
• She's learning how to cut with scissors.  She picked up a piece of paper and asked for the scissors so she could "sizz it."  
• She has a book that plays the alphabet in different musical genres.  (Jazz, hip hop,etc.)  When it says techno she repeats "heck no."  
• We were driving in the car one day and she said, "When I grow bigger I can grow wings on my hands and then I can fly!"
• Instead of saying adios she says potty-ose.
• She tries to help me burp Peyton.  Instead of asking to pat her, she asks if she can pap her.  Every time.  
• Drew asked her what little girls are made of.  She stood there and thought really hard, then finally yelled, "muddy buddies!"  
• Zack was on his computer and Berkley was at a desk around the corner.  He asked what she was doing and she replied, "I'm doing some serious homework over here."
• She pretended to make me a cake for my birthday.  I asked what kind it was.  She said, "It's..... brown sugar!....... and.......... mushrooms!"
• We were at the dinner table and she turned to me and said, "Mommy, you forgot your coupon for Wednesday at 7:30."
• One day she told me, "Mom, I'm taking Peyton a bath with my licking!" and started licking Peyton's feet.  
• We were getting dinner ready and Zack mentioned the superintendent at his new job.  Berkley overheard and yelled, "Daddy!  Don't superintend our food!"
• We can hear the trumpets from a nearby air force base sometimes if the house is quiet.  I told her what the sound was and she said, "Who's playing the trumpet?  Is it Moroni?"  I laughed and told her maybe.  A couple days later we heard them again and she got excited and said, "I hear Moroni playing the trumpet!"
• She takes the little glide floss container and rubs it in her armpit like it's her own little deodorant.  
• Sometimes she calls me little mommy.  Like, "Come back here little mommy."
• If she is bare foot she says she has toes on.  Like, "I don't have any shoes so I can just go outside with my toes on."
• Berkley was outside while Zack was doing yard work.  She picked up a dandelion and said, "I'm going to stick this in my nostrils."  Zack later caught her sticking grass up Peyton's nose too.  
• She'll stand on any sort of pedestal available (rock, bucket, etc.)  and yell, "Ladies and gentlemen, introducing __________!"  (Insert whatever she's looking at at the moment.)

And just for good measure, here she is dancing to the 'heck no' alphabet.

Berkley Funnies

• I have a birthmark on my forearm with lots of freckles on it.  We call it a cookie and Berkley pretends to eat it sometimes.  One day she was searching her arms with a confused look on her face and said, "Where's my cookie?"
• I told her it was nap time, time to go to sleep, and she kept telling me it wasn't.  I asked her why and she shouted, "Because it's DAY!"
• One day in the car she started repeating to her monkey what people say to her.  "Why are you SO cute monkey?  Monkey, you're SO smart! etc."
• My belly button is an outey these days and you could see it through the shirt I was wearing.  She noticed and said, "Hey, that's a nipple!"
• She was "falling asleep" at naptime one day and I heard her start singing, "Don't!  Don't!  Don't bite your friends!" (from Yo Gabba Gabba) followed by, "Ow!  My armpit! Monkey, don't bite my armpit!" And then singing the song again. 
• There were a few times she would sit on the potty and say, "I don't have a diaper, I just have a bum."
• I was making dinner one day while she played with some toys at the kitchen table.  She dropped one and freaked out a little and told me to get it.  I told her she could get it.  She said, "I can't, I'm busy right now." 
• Sometimes when I'm crouched down to help her go potty she'll reach out, rub my cheek and say, "Nice face!"  One day she continued by saying, "Nice eyes!  Nice hair!  Nice arm!"  While touching each one. 
• She sings Follow the Prophet sometimes but she says "don't go a straight" instead of "don't go astray."  One day while she was in the bath one of her toys started floating away from her.  She started yelling, "No Toodee, don't go a straight Toodee!" 

Berkley Funnies

This little girl constantly makes us laugh.  Since my memory is so poor I want to periodically write down some of the things she says/does that catch me off guard.  Here are some from the past couple of months:

• She sings the clean up song when we put toys away except her lyrics are, "Clean up, clean up, every day."
• On one of our first snow days she was playing in the snow with Merrisa and would say "thank you!" every time a snowball was thrown at her.
• Lately she's been really concerned about my safety.  She tells me at least once a day, "Don't fall mommy."  Maybe I look off-balance?  Anyway, I was washing some dishes and she said, "Don't fall in the sink mommy."
• A conversation she had with Zack recently:

          Z: "What's your favorite color?"
          B: "pencils"
          Z: "What's daddy's favorite color?"
          B: "homework"

• One morning she started singing the alphabet in her sleep.
• One day in early November I let her pick out a trick-or-treat after lunch.  After she ate it she wanted another one.  I said, "No, just one."  To which she desperately replied, "Just two?! Just two?!"  Are we already at a negotiating age?
• We took her to In-N-Out for the first time and as we were driving home afterward she said, "Thanks for eat dinner with me!"
• She noticed her fingers looked weird after her bath one night so I told her they were pruny.  A few days later I was laughing and my nose scrunched up.  She pointed at it and said, "pruny nose!"
• She knows our first names.  Occasionally she'll throw my name in at the end of a sentence and it always catches me by surprise.  One night I was making dinner and Berkley was trying to get a toy to work in the other room.  She got frustrated and yelled, "What the heck, Cowie!"  
• I was buckling her in the car seat and told her "you're cute" to which she replied, "yeah, and smart."
• We recently made the switch to a twin bed.  When she wakes up she'll get out of bed and knock at her bedroom door till someone comes to get her.  (She can open doors but for some reason she thinks she's stuck in her room.)  The other day she started knocking at the door about 10 minutes after I put her down for a nap.  When nobody came she said, "Mommy?....... Daddy?......."  No response so she started yelling, "Come back here people!  Come back here people!" 
• She pointed at the new HD antenna we got for Christmas and asked, "What's that?"  I told her it's an antenna and she asked, "How much that cost?"